There's sometimes an expectation when you do social services, education, or non-profit youth advocacy that you maintain an (un)safe distance between the services and assistance you provide, and the YOU who is providing the services. Client-centered. Detach. De-personalize. Don't deauthorize. Catch phrases that are the tightrope the more passionate of us walk daily. I am fortunate to work at a Center where I bring all of me, each day. I am also a seasoned non-profit professional who has learned to discipline my passion in order to preserve its benefits while tempering the excesses. The blessing to do the work can become all too burdensome when you don't leave concern about the young men you work with and their issues at your physical work space. The work my team does, not being easy with the emphasis on scopes and program objectives, there are moments that (re)humanize the work you do, not as just labor OR love, but a balanced labor of love.
During one recent meeting, celebrating recent program successes with the impending program evaluation and site visits, my purpose became clearer to me. Many moons ago, I was a young, black, bisexual, ambitious, creative young man with lots of information about safer sex and self-esteem, but no roadmap. At the intersection of SEARCHING and HOME, I found that I was lost. I began to discover myself when the reality of living was illuminated by the prospect of certain death. Late-June. Gay Pride. Almost 27. Still young. HIV positive now. Expected? HIV diagnosis isn't and shouldn't be the expectation; and this is why I get excited about the work I do, the reason why stresses never overshadow the successes.
Each day I come to work, and most of the days I don't, I get to help guide beautiful, creative, dynamic, and conscientious young men of color into leadership and greater self-efficacy. On Saturday, March 24, 2012, I was proud beyond belief of the diverse young leaders of Mpowerment: Prodigies of Pride leading clear, candid, sensitive, intelligent, provocative discussions about their lives, loving, sexing, stereotype-fighting, and winning. Their "5 guys, 5 clips" dialogue utilized brief social media clips from Youtube to forge intimate revelations about their own experiences and that sparked some great conversations about everything from dating and sex in the age of HIV to disgruntlement with our two-party political system. Tired and exhausted, I beamed with pride at their success, with just a few days advance notice to work some magic. So yes, this work is personal! I see aspects and parts of myself in each of the young men I work with. A bit of a papa bear, I sometimes want to "save" them in ways I didn't have a toolkit for to "save" myself at their age: lost and too prideful to ask for directions. Sometimes the more you know the more people expect you to know better. But being high-functioning and intelligent are little defense against feelings of rejection and loneliness.
Even I seek help in better serving the young men I work with. I've arrived in San Francisco at the mPowerment Summit and Training to gain some tools I can use in helping direct their respective journeys. At my best, the work doesn't require that I distance myself from the work, but to more passionately understand and affirm my connection to the work. I enjoy being happy. I enjoy being successful. I most enjoy seeing the young men I work with being happy and successful. I am angered when people devalue and stereotype young Black and Latino men who show daily evidence that they are more that "grave" statistics that so often define them. I get excited about seeing the potential of a diverse community of young men of color helping each other find each other at lost and lonely intersections.
The programs and interventions we work through are simply maps to a number sound paths to health and happiness. At the root of my interest in being a better youth advocate is my desire to be a better human being. I hope to leave San Francisco on Friday-- this metropolis where I, some 13 years ago, discovered just how precious my life is-- all the more committed to be an example reflecting all the promise of shine a diamond in the rough can hold. mPowered young men know, without fail, that they are loved and valued; these Prodigies of Pride I seek to guide, never lost... as long as I and others remain committed to finding them...wherever they are.
(photo with Jason Black, former mentee and co-worker, now Prevention Program Manager at Legacy in Houston. Very proud of him!!!).
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